so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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