i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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