I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
