Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize