I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Alive.
So much puke
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
