if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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