I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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