Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
