girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
