I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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