U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
