anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
