dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
