how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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