i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
