i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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