I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
