We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
