Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
