Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
