i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
