I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
