i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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