After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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