does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
