ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
