some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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