Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize