he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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