Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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