you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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