yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
