you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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