I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
