im having a threesome with these popsicles
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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