I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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