swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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