Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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