Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
