I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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