Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
