I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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