My underwear smells like fireworks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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