all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
