i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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