apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
