I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
