I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
