like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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