somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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