yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
