This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
