So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize