I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
