I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
