Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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