I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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