He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
