Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
