first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
