i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
