Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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