I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
