btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize