i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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