Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
