Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize