This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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