Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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