I faked an abortion last night.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
